Crushed

I've become preoccupied with worrying. All the time. Instead of sitting and enjoying the here and now I am constantly thinking and worrying... about how I can't get ahold of the people subletting from me, about if I'm going to be able to find a subletter for the summer, about where I'm going to be this summer, about my loan going through and actually paying for this summer.
But... I'm finally in a good position. I should be able to relax. I live in a wonderful,crooked house with an orange color scheme on the outside. I really need to take a picture of it- well I'll give a visual.You walk up onto the porch, open a ridiculously heavy wood door, then you have to lean on that while I open the other door,which is always locked. In contrast to the really heavy other door, this one always floats away from me before I can get my key out. Step inside, and you see a little front room with two love seats that no one ever sits in facing each other. The guy who lives on the first floor studies law, and he might be walking back n forth between the kitchen and his room. He usually lets the people in who've forgotten their keys. He's on something he calls the warrior diet. He only eats one meal a day and it consists of about 3 pounds of meat or a million eggs. I don't know how he does it, but it works for him, because he's jacked.
Anyway, go up the stairs. Theres two staircases to the 2nd floor. One is really nice, with a tall window that dusty light pours through. It looks out to the wall of the house next door. Then you have to turn the corner and continue up the narrow servants staircase to the 3rd floor. Theres 3 doors closed- mine is number seven, though you can't see the seven. The doorknob is brass and ovular- I am an attic dweller. My futon bed is pushed next to a window which faces a window to the other house. The ceiling is angled and I have a skylight that looks out onto a chimney and 3 stars. I live next door to two pigeons who are very much in love and have decided to start their family right outside my window. They haven't been discouraged by the strange human who sticks her head out the window and flaps her arms at them- they've just moved their nest down a few feet. I still hear their pigeon love.
I really need to not worry about things so much. Everything will work out. I try to keep reminding myself that I will be fine. I will always be fine, even if, god forbid, I am on the streets. People will always survive. Not that its likely for me to ever be on the streets. I know that I'm welcome in my parents home before it gets to that point. Worrying is so pointless and takes up so much energy. Such a waste.
I really must learn how to turn my head off. Or just focus on the now. FOCUS.